Here goes my story.

I am from Brazil originally, and moved to Canada with my ex husband at age 28, just after I got my degree in Forest Engineering. Worked in research mostly, did my masters in carbon sequestration modeling (climate change). After that I kept moving with the ex to different cities for his career, and got the chance to do different things with my own- teach in he college, research and additional training, and consulting. I love research. I had enough with the ex wanting constantly a new job in a different city every year or so among other things, I decided to divorce in 2006.

I spent a couple yrs in a wonderful community and decided to move to a job to use more of my training and area of interest. Two months in the job, a coworker invited for a kayaking festival and I went to try a few kayaks (June, 2008). The day after I started to feel pain in the right side of the coccyx. I was told I had a muscle spasm and had to rest to get better. I had a muscle spasm once before and it went away in a month or so, but I worked from home at the time so it was easier to get some decent rest. This time, I was second month in the job, and instead of getting sick days, I got more work. That combined with the iffy note from the dr (that I MAY need to be off work), made my recovery from it not easy. I used heat pad and ice in the job to sit, and a few days later I got to do even more work from home instead of sick days that I asked. I rested my back as much as I could off work, but it never got better. Whenever it was sarting to get better, the bosses gave me additional work in the office and I had to stay extra in the office and stared hurting again. Yes, the job was stressful and as I got sicker people there wanted to get me to work more. I got flue on top of the muscle spasm, which aggravates it. Finally, I went out on a stress leave hoping that if this was all stress related, it would all go away. Two weeks of stress leave came and went, and my pain kept getting worse.

That is when I started the quest to look for help for my health. Stepped aside from work and devoted full time attention to my back and fight with the job for the RIGHT to be sick. The "walk in clinic" doctors asked for x-rays, bone scan. I was sent to a back specialist, and he ruled out the back and thought of internal orgains, so he sent me for papsmiere and blood and urine tests. Nothing showed in any of these tests. I was given antidepressants that almost ended up in a hospital emergency. I took muscle relaxants and ibuprofen too. I decided to stop the antidepressants (he wanted me to take 2 diofferent types...argh), as I have the right to be sad and angry in pain. Mood disorder was in work papers as a possibility. Amazing, I wish they spent a day in my pain and came across themselves. Welcome to the Canadian health care system. If you are in pain, the first thing you get is a mix of anti depressants, sometimes at the expense of looking any further ("It is in your head" approach to medicine).

I then got a new family dr, and he sent me to a physiatrist in the hospital rehab. While he did that, he kept experimenting with pain killers, and some I just did not respond, and one cause me to faint and hit my head on the floor. That's when I learned medicines have to be started in very little amounts, to test my response without such incidents. Finally the ct scan was done and it showed nothing. The family dr suspected of a condition called coccydynia, and gave me gabapentin and tylenol 3 to try. My condition was worsening as time went by. I responded well to the gabapentin well. After 3 or 4 days in these (lowest dosage), the family dr signs the paper work for the job and places me back in the job in 2 weeks, just after I told him I could not sit or stand over 5 mins a time. There was no discussion with me, yet the paper work from the job clearly stated that the decision was discussed with the patient. Now I was increasing the gapapentin, with tons of side effects (fainting, memory issues, miss spelling, writing words out of context, dizzy, nauxeous, etc), and had an unrealistic plan to go back to work, built by my boss and my family dr- 6 hrs sitting first day, I wish I was kidding...I could not sit or stand over 5 minutes at a time, could not even make to work (6 blocks walking, no parking closer than that). Obviously, I was not included in the preparation of the plan for me to go back to work. Meanwhile, my job hired a consultant to work in my health file, I was on short term disability. As the time to return to work approaches, I am not only experiencing the same physical limitation, I am am also stressed out, which helps very little to get better.

Nothing new with the job, they were trying to let me go many times as I did not have a right diagnosis and the diagnosis kept changing every month. They had just written a negative review before my stress leave, so I guess they were chasing their tales. Took 4 months to find the diagnosis, the time I had my short term disability. By the end of the short term benefit, I was scheduled to see the physiatrist in the rehab of a hospital. I went there with the consultant now looking over my shoulder literally, and sending me papers arguing about the previous decision of the family dr for me to go back to work and wanted specific reasons for me not to from the specialist I am seeing for the first time. I cannot start to describe how much grief and stress this job was causing, and yet I was trying to focus in finding solution for my health only. The physiarist is in the end of the hospital, by the time I got there I was hurt from all the walk, crying in pain and sressed out from my job. It is not like I just could look for another job, I was very ill.

The Physiarist looked at specific numbers from the ct scan and confirmed I had coccydynia (around November, 2008). He looked at the plan for my return to work and all the work papers for him and told me that these people had no idea what pain I was in. He asked how my job had been treating me...I started crying and told him I was under a lot of pressure and have had only additional stress from them this far. I asked him if I was going to be normal again, and he said he did not know.

I started reading more about coccydynia, and my bf helped. I was seeing the specialist once a month, no instructions on what to try, he did not send me to any treatment, he refered me to the pain clinic but told me he knew the people there and he did not think they would be of much help. So, I read about treatments, and started chiropractor sessions (got the name from a coworker). 1 week of it, and it was like the "knife" had been removed from the back, but I could barely walk in so much pain, barely move and was on my daily upper limit of gabapenin and tylenol 3.

Then the chiro travelled for a month so I tried another chiro he suggested and acupuncture. They were not experienced and I did not see much improvement, more or less got suck, status quo. I liked the chiro lamp though, and decided to buy one for myself. No progress that time.

I got an osteopath and family doctor at that time too, in the same person. Her treatment was like a gentle version of the chiropractor. At times it relieved the pain a lot, but the improvement was short lived, progress was just no there. The treatment was not consistent either, depended on the days she decided to be a family doctor or an osteopath and she just recently started seeing me 3 times a week instead of 2, and at least 1 day in the week was family doctor stuff. So, I was most certainly not getting enough help from her, so I decided to look for other treatments.

I found out later from her, after she wanted to lower the medicine and I was crying 3 days in pain as a result and put back up, that she had lied, she did not have experience either as a family doctor or an osteopath with my condition. She started practicing less than 1 year before. She told me she had worked with cases like mine before, when I asked how many people she have treated exatly with my condition, she said I was patient number 1. She witheld treatment many times and that was very frustrating, either because she claimed to have no time or because she charged for something I did not know and did not agree and she made the "appointment pay for the treatment". I was sooo pissed I cannot describe.

When she lowered the medicines I decided I have had enough of trying alone in this illness, I thoguht time had come and gone and progress proved to be very slow with me trying to do everything for a daily life and treatments. I talked to the bf and my family I had to move somewhere to get more daily help. They all offered me help and a place to stay, so I deided I would go to the bf first because he is in Canada and can help with the move now and rethink later, as I could go to Brazil anytime if I am sharing expenses with him versus hving the lease and an appartment full of stuff I cannot get rid overnight. I can potentially leave most stuff behind and go to Brazil and the bf and I taked about all that.

Because I was not getting enough treatment from the osteopath/family doctor, I decided to try another chiropractor that someone in the pain clinic old me about. He is very good, he says he has seen 40 patients withmy condition, and I see real progress. He slows down when I am in more pain and speeds up when I am ok. I can't say enough good stuff about this guy. I see increased mobility instantly. He is great. The first chiro was not an option anymore because of the 30 mins drive to get to it...argh. The 3 chiros used very different methods. The best 2 had gone to school in the US, and one in Toronto.I guess what I learned is that not all chiros do the same.

Becase I am moving I asked the chiropractor to teach his method to the bf- as much as he can anyway to help the muscles. I am looking forward to move and take all the bits and pieces I learned with me, focus on treatments with less daily life crap...lol. See where that takes me. And it will be just fun being more around the bf instead of him having to fly here every 2 weeks. Moving is in 2 weeks, counting down. Wohooo.

So, here I am, 37 years old, trying to pick up the pieces, reshape my future, come to terms with all this experience and fighting for my rights and my health, and just trying what I can my very best. Trying to enjoy life as much as possible, clear my head, and move on with life with whatever it throws my way.